When I was a child I had a family friend. He was an adult and a father with his own two daughters. But I was his disciple. He was going to use me to further the cause of God.
He eventually persuaded me to lie down with him like Lot did with his two daughters in Genesis, but I couldn't do the things he asked of me. He eventually raped me.
But before that he had me confess to all the "wrongs" I did. I had to tell him if any boys caught me attention, I had to tell him if I ever found myself getting wet. He used this version of God to break my psyche completely.
So now I would have to get his attention a different way. I can't explain it. It's too much. I don't think I fully understand it.
I was nine years old.