Childlike Abandon

Come and take all my resistance.

Scourge my conscience for erroneous hiccups.

Coming Up Empty

I am bereaved by the notion

that you were there for me.

I am wise to the way

that you feed your ego.

Call to Action

Weeding out the tendrils that exist in your mind is tiresome.

Capturing the scope of your belligerence is nonexistent.

You moan and groan but get nowhere.

Forward now before it is too late.

Reasonable Service

When held to the fire,

I always wither.

I need you more then ever

when I become despondent.

Please lift me into the inner realm

of your mercy.

Horror

I can't move....
I am engulfed in pain and grief.

Why didn't anyone notice and try to help?
Why didn't you see that I needed help?

It was too much for me then and now.
I cannot fathom the responsibility you should have done.

Do my tears mean nothing?

So Scared

I'm scared of becoming her.

Not a Beggar

I will not resort to the weak and beggarly ways any longer.

Do not tempt me with your cunning language,

It ignites an anger that is stronger than indignation.

Deceit

They cast their webs....

but get caught in them themselves.

Headstrong

Constantly in motion in pursuit

ever wandering for satisfaction.

Diligent to find a gem in the rough

never pressed to look inward.

Brother in Arms

You carry the burdens of those before you,

you carry a diagnosis that is not yours.

The savageness of your grief is too belittling,

it is overshadowed with shame.

Time to rise up and become anew,

brush off the debris of mistakes and awaken.

More Determined

You believe I am undeserving,

you believe I am broken.

But, I will walk into the blessings.

I choose God's strength in my own weakness.

No Water

Reasons unbeknownst to us cause us to waver.

We believe our God is disapproving of us,

we believe we messed up again.

We draw inside for strength and resilience only to be dry.

Mean Voices

These disparaging voices in my head are too loud!

They bully me into believing that I have no worth,

they make me believe that I am unsavable.

Not Broken

"We are not what we have lost,

we are not what has been taken from us.

We must cherish what remains.

We are not broken,

we are each as whole

as we will ever be again."

From: "Call the Midwife", S7:E8

Rivers of Life

Worn Out

Sudden weariness and pain are a reminder
that they never went away.

Possessed

You wrestle with it night and day,

always unaware of the internal battle.

You believe it to be the circumstances,

you believe everyone is against you.

But there is a better way.....

let go.

Father in Heaven

Fatherless now in this world
deemed unworthy by most
except my God.

Hanging On

By a thread...

Distraught

This pain is too much.

When I look inside and tap into it,

I cannot stop crying.

I'm in pieces.

Nothing

Reaching for strength because I don't have it....

Molestation

I always knew something had happened to me. I even tried bringing it up with my mother several times, but she never told me anything. I think she must have thought how convenient that I forgot everything.

I was raped by some friends of my parents whom they gave their consent. This must sound unfathomable, but when you realize my parents are addicts the unfathomable becomes more possible.

I was left alone the next day, but fortunately near water so I could wash my dirtiness off. That’s what I’ve been left to believe for myself since no one spoke about it. I was left to believe that it must have been my doing that brought it on. I must have done something wrong.