1.31.2021

Untrapped

I was recently reminded that almost anything can send you right back to a traumatic event in your life.

I found myself completely helpless in the fear and anxiety my body immediately felt. I reacted in a way that was not like me.

I was five again.

My parents had just separated from a terrible marriage; my father was physically abusing our mother.

Now we were in our first home away from him and I finally felt like we could have a good future. But he came over uninvited and had a physical fight with my mother in which she got burned by our kitchen stove.  When he left, I was hysterical.

I actually had a hard time breathing; I was overcome with fear and could not stop crying. It was overwhelming. I thought we would never be free from him.

This is what the pandemic has felt like for many of us. The truth is that the battle doesn't seem to end. We can't see the kindness. We can't even see people's faces.

For the survivors out there like myself, please keep your head up and know you are not alone. We can get through this one as well. We were made for it.


1.22.2021

Overwhelmed

I keep getting triggered by my mother-in-law. I really sincerely love her and want her to be a part of my children's life. But, she makes me so anxious when I am around her and eventually I lash out at her.

I really don't know what to do but avoid her for a while again. It is frustrating because she really doesn't bother me that much. She just sends me into a spiral of despair.

That's it.


1.10.2021

Flipping It

I was abused by a married couple. They planned on raping me for some time. They set fear so deep inside of me that when the even occurred, I immediately buried it deep down inside never to see the light of day again.

At least that is what had happened until two years ago. The wife was a nurse and she was good at keeping me quiet. The day after the incident she alone was with me. I had no choice but to bury my secret.

But now I can see that it was a bit of a gift in disguise. The truth could only come out in a loving and supportive environment. This is where I am.

So I choose to confront my past with the viewpoint of hope for the future. Why? Because God would not have allowed that to happen to me if it wasn't going to be used to help someone else.

I hope to spread some love to all of us who need it the most.


1.03.2021

Always

There are awakenings that are just too dark and ugly to accept.

There are truths that no matter how much you want to believe are beyond understanding.

There is pain that cannot be extinguished.


You are not alone.


Know that you do not suffer by yourself.

Hold you head up just a little bit.