8.29.2019

Understanding Marijuana for Healing

I've come to the realization that I've been exposed to marijuana my entire life, off and on.

My mother has PTSD as well from sexual trauma as a child. She has always used it. She did it around us kids and now I can see that it helped me process my own trauma.

I think this is really remarkable when we consider that our world believes that marijuana could be harmful.  I do think the ways we get it nowadays can be a little bit too off balance with the amount of THC you can get. But, for the most part it is really a medicine that needs to be looked at differently.

I personally battle the THC line because I'm on the other side of my trauma. I've uncovered all my repressed memories with the help of THC. But now that I'm come through it, I know my brain still needs the CBD part of marijuana.

There is still healing that needs to take place.

Dad

When you have daddy issues, you can resolve this in two ways. Firstly, you find a man who is exactly like your father or a woman. Yes, that's right lesbian couples can also mimic the false nature of the loving relationship.

I have a dear friend who grew up with a stern Baptist father who never showed his daughter unconditional love. I'm sure all of us either can relate or know someone. They are tortured as little girls trying to get the love they so need.

Then they either rebel against the very nature of that fissure in becoming a lesbian or find a man who is just as torturing.

Either way it is the very thing that little girl needs that won't be found. It doesn't matter if it is a straight or lesbian relationship.

Until this pain is fixed, they are attracted to the same pattern.

8.26.2019

Do I dare dream?

When you grow up with hardly all your needs being met, it's hard to imagine what you want and then what you may dream of.

I am trying to step into my purpose but am intimidated on so many factors. 

The voices in my head are saying, "Who do you think you are?"

And, "do you really think God will use any of it for good?"

But my authority on these matters is the good bible where we are all children of God. And over and over again it states that ALL things are used for good.  All things.

I dare all of us to hold our heads up high and walk into "purpose" and not just survival.


Vacation Perspective


Medium: pastel, pencil

8.25.2019

Serendipity

We waver to and fro
looking for freedom,
looking for sweetness.

We hunger and thirst
and yet never get filled.

We linger in the middle
never committing to
either extreme.

We wage war
with those that
love us.

When will we
learn to let go?

8.22.2019

Two Perspectives

There are always two ways to look at things.

For instance two people with the same issue of not getting what they needed growing up can display this inadequacy two ways.

The first wears their heart on their sleeve. They are easily liked. But yet you know they are incomplete. They are compulsive with something be it food or some other drug of choice.

The other type has a wall built up so they can’t be hurt. They have a persona that keeps others at a distance. Yet those of us with the same deficiency are drawn to them.


We are living in a nation right now that “feels” out-of-control; everyone is on edge. And I mean everyone.

We all need to pick up our own “peace pipe” and find a way to do something for someone else. Don’t look at it as a favor, but a good deed.

If everyone in the world did this, our world would look completely different.

8.03.2019

Self Medicating

In case you need to know the difference...

CBD oil will mellow you out, help you sleep, and come down when using anything with THC.

So if you need to use marijuana on occasion, don't forget to use some CBD oil as well. This is truly what your brain is craving. No judgment.

Understanding Feelings

I know, if you are a regular reader you might want to know why I got so upset.

Well, I got clarity on it. When I and probably many of you were children we were not allowed to express our feelings. How dare we show any anger, right?

Well, now that I have been so carefully taken care of by God and really only God for so long now, I have a difficult time expressing myself when my feelings get hurt.

I am finally at a place where I can share my feelings with my family.

It's been so long since I've had to connect with my feelings to make sure I'm not looking at a situation from the wrong perspective.

So take my last post for instance... was it the most loving place? probably not. But I was so convicted on the point that I needed to express it. It was a judgment call. It was a gut reaction, not a feelings reaction.

We need to be able to stand up for ourselves as well when we know it isn't a good situation for ourselves. We have to be able to step away from the relationship.


When we give love we should be able to expect love back... period.

Nurture Yourself

8.01.2019

Pervasive Corruption

Your selfishness astounds me;
with your flare for dignity,
however only received.

You gratuitously speak of yourself,
pouring into yourself alone.

I am confounded by your ignorance
since you are such a scholar.

I am disgusted with your lack
of compassion and love.