2.12.2020

Wronged

What do you do when others have overlooked your pain your whole life? 
What do you do when your left with only God who understands?


That's me. I was abused starting at such a young age. I finally got clarity of some life skills I developed early on. For example, to be a people pleaser growing up was a survival instinct for me. I'm so grateful I'm not that way any longer, however I don't have many people in my life now. I feel full. I feel joy. I feel.

The other piece of information that has been helpful to me is that the people who were not there when it was hurting the most don't deserve to be in your life when it gets better. It's non negotiable for me now. It's simple.

I know that I will make new friends and closer friends that will fill the void of extended family. I know God understands the cost to me and my immediate family. I believe it is a set up for something better.

So, please don't lose hope. Just be grateful that you know now what a good friend will not be like.

2.10.2020

Separation

Regarding my gifts as weapons
is not how to make friends.

Trying to add shame to injury
is another form of injustice
God will not tolerate.

2.05.2020

Predators

I've had some experience with stalkers that have left me scared. As you might know I was violated at the early age of nine that leaves a person prone to predators of every kind.

I recently had an individual need me. I don't understand how anyone can just push themselves on you like you belong to them when you know and God knows you belong to someone else. God got me away from the person safely.

But the feelings don't go away so easily. It makes you lose trust in everyone. I trust God and that's it. But I want to be able to trust people. Why would God allow such dark people in our lives?

It is so painful; the shame wants to own you.  LORD, please free all of us victims of violence from the darkness that wants to overtake us. For Your honor and glory, Amen.

Your Will

2.03.2020

Walls

What do you do when you can't let anyone in, even God. I have been hurt by everyone.

I don't know what else to do but surrender. God, have your way. I'm ready.



2.01.2020

Being Seen

I went for a drive with our daughter so that she could take a nap in the car.

I love driving through some of our National Parks in this area of Northeast Ohio. I drove through our loop and stopped on the way back to look at three deer. It was a mother with her two children. They were all fuzzy because it was winter.

First, one of the children looked at me. Then the mother. The second time she looked at me I started crying for no reason at all other than to be seen.

Hope you are seen by someone unexpectedly soon as well. It fills your soul in all the right places.