Too Sad

I hit a valley of deep sorrow for a good couple of days. I know depression from my not too distant past, but this was something different.

I felt as though I was mourning the loss of me. Me as a child. I lost me.


I Mourn

for the little girl 
who lost her innocence

for the little girl 
who had big dreams

for the little girl
who has too much sorrow

for the little girl
who now knows it was wrong.


I am convinced that there is no purgatory.

For the Ladies in the House

So, I really am being so brutally honest right now... no bars holding me now... rape does something to your emotional psyche, right?

Why do I feel this constant tugging on my heart strings... I can't seem to relate to anyone right now... sorry, I'm not writing complete sentences... but, sometimes a girl just needs to take a deep exhale. For me, with my words.

He hurt the insides of us more than we could comprehend. This is way nasty things that should never happen to us. We connect our pain with the physical scars we had to bare.  The emotional scarring that is way beyond repair.

But, I have something that heals all that... ready? Jesus. Not exactly where you thought I was headed, right? I know. But let me say a simple prayer for you. God, in the name of Jesus, can you please show yourself to her?


I watched you leave,
withered and without life.

You became a friend
when I had no one.

But your time has ended,
I no longer want your friendship.

My Biggest Wish

All I want more then anything is to own the title, "child of god."

I am so broken and hurt inside. I feel like I can't do anything right.

I feel as though my heart has been pulled out of my chest, smashed by the monster who pulled it out, and then placed back inside.

What is the purpose for all of this pain?