11.29.2020

Hurt

When you are raised around mean people, it is inevitable you will continue on this path until you fully realize it to be so.

I was emotionally abused all my life, even with my first husband. It is humiliating and adds more shame to the mountain that already exists.

The pain that can be inflicted on you can be from family members, coworkers, medical staff, and even your pastor.

I know; it's quite too much for anyone to undertake. But you must walk away from anyone who is causing you any pain.

It can be lonely. But remember you've at least got me cheering you on.


11.22.2020

Upright

I know your bully. 
I know the heartache you feel.

You definitely belong to God.
You definitely are his child.

Don't allow the enemy to take you away.


11.16.2020

Shameless

Be forewarned that when you walk out of shame, the enemy will try with all it's might to bring you back.

It will ultimately play on all your weaknesses. I immediately got anxious and then mad.

But realize it will happen over and over again until we are equipped to see it coming.

We can do it because each and every one of us is worth it.


The yellow leaf is you... beautiful.

11.12.2020

Harassment

I have been harassed by males all of my life. Gratefully, not by my husband. Maybe that's why I can see the difference in the way I should be treated.

PTSD is a complex cloud of confusion and shame that masks itself. We feel like we are fine and functioning just fine except when we get treated wrong.

You just know it in your gut that it is wrong, but all the fear rises up and all you want to do is fight or flight. The clarity is not there. Just the fear.

Wow! I didn't understand it for myself until just now as well. Thank-you for being here for me. I hope this helps you.

With sympathetic tears I hope with all of my heart that you are uncovering your pain with the support and love you deserve.


11.07.2020

The Children I Lost

I had no idea...

That when we were in college planning our wedding that my niece and nephew would need a home.

My sister was a addict up until five years ago. She lost custody when she passed out on a sidewalk after doing some drugs. Terrible, right?

The guilt really comes into play for me because our mother lost custody of us three as well. And yes from doing drugs too. She is still an addict.

So, when the authorities called to ask if we could take the kids, my knee jerk reaction was to say yes. I couldn't say no.

I figured I could talk my soon to be husband into saying yes as well. But reality hit and we just couldn't do it.

I didn't know I would carry that guilt all these years. It surprised me when I recently saw a picture of them as adults. The relief and sadness overcame me.

My heart was bound to them as children and will be forever more.

11.03.2020

Release

 I have dreams that are beyond my reach.
I want to make a difference in others' lives.
I want my wounds and scars to mean something.

I want others to be led to the truth of God,
that He loves everyone unconditionally.

He alone can heal us.

But what if you are sick like me?
What if you suffer from some ailment that holds you back?

Is this really true?
Maybe this sickness is what will make us free.


10.29.2020

Making it Plain

Plain as day
is your resistance to light.

You sway with the wicked,
you cling to the dirt.

Resist the devil with all of your might
and be free from your bonds.