Proper Response

You tap on my shoulder
to look back at all my iniquity.

But this does not define who I am.

I worship at the altar
of the living and breathing God
in heaven, the father of Jesus and me.

So you must go back
to where you come,
to the lake of burning fire.

You are not welcome back.


Prayer to God

LORD, please give us your mercy. 
Pour your spirit on us all. 
Only you can see us white as snow.

We believe that you cry with us.
We believe you see our pain.
We believe you see our loneliness.

Please take the crimson away.
Please make us whole again.




I can believe that I am nobody and that I am nowhere,
however I do know that I am a child of God.

Thus, I must be someone special and
exactly where I am supposed to be.


No More

I am disappointed in those in my life who don't want the best for me.

It's really challenging when you have Christians in your life who are family who hold the standard with the Old Testament, the Law.  It's unbelievable that they can believe in Jesus and his resurrection but not seek that same transformation in their loved ones.

Do they actually want to see the same curses passed down from generation to generation on their own grandchildren?  I just can't.

In the name of Jesus may all the curses that the enemy is trying to place in our hearts be broken!



Swaying in the wind waiting for You

to show me where to go,

what to do.

Please, come and give me direction.

I'm ready to be on a candlestick for You.


Forgiving Others

I've come to the realization that I had some bitterness left over authorities in my childhood not being aware of the abuse I was enduring.  However, it was vital that my family stuck together.

I have recently been coming to terms with the fact that many family members have abandoned me when I was moving through the pain of a terrible repressed memory.

I have also come to the realization that it is alright.

I have a quiet voice that would like me to feel guilty over the loss. But I want all of us to know this too is not our fault. If they fall away during our hardest times, it's alright. That means there will be better friends/family ahead. God is the only one we really need anyway.

Graciously I have the physical love from my husband and two children.

But I will not feel guilty over the mistakes of others. It was their decision to not help or even ask how I was doing... not mine. It is their loss.... not mine. It was their decision... not mine.

All we have to do is forgive them.


Church Rejection

This is the pain I have in my heart. I told my pastors of the sexual abuse I had to endure as a child and yet I got no compassion back. They have rejected me.

They must see me as guilty somehow in the wrongs that were committed to me. I am fully aware of all the mistakes I made as a young adult; you can read about most of it here on my blog.

The only saving grace is that I have an intimate relationship with God who weeps for me.

If you have been hurt by a Christian or a group of Christians, I am sorry as one myself. I do not understand how as survivors of some terrible act we can be rejected and abandoned. Just know you are not the only one.