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The Spirit

Medium: oil pastel, pastel, and watercolor paint

12.31.2018

Destructive People

I come from a people that seek the destruction of their own. They prey on the weak and take pride in being stronger. They do not seek God for guidance and they do not have compassion.

These are my forefathers if you will. They do not seek the betterment of each other. It pains me to see how they treat each other. I personally don't even participate in anything they have to offer. Fortunately I live far away from them.

But what if you don't live far away. What if life has thrown you such huge obstacles that your family is all you have for help; the very family that is full of chaos. I feel your pain. I understand this crisis.

I pray that we all will have the confidence to speak and move from a loving place when we need to establish healthy boundaries. This is the most difficult thing I think. As a child no one allowed us to have boundaries and now as adults it's the very thing we need more than anything, so much so we sometimes overreact.

Let's all make a pact for this next year. We will establish healthy boundaries for our own well being. Don't allow anyone to approach you with guilt; I detest it so much that if it's included, it's an absolute no in my book.

We will not be belittled like we are children. We are adults and have the authority to stand up for ourselves.

You can do it!

12.30.2018

Fly Free

Now is the time for you to be free,
spread your wings and soar.

Do not look down or back,
you will always remember.

For now is the time to redefine
who you were meant to be.

12.28.2018

Tenacity

I am insulted by the audacity
that my past defines who I am.
I am a child of God.

Nothing you say or do can offend me now
since you can't disqualify me.
Try as you might.


12.24.2018

Midnight Pass

I was groomed by a married couple for years.
I spent lots of time at their house,
they treated me like a friend.
I had no idea where it was headed.

Now I can look back at the events that led
to the repressed memory that no longer is.

I was brought with the men to watch
a pig get shot, just me.
I witnessed it then get butchered in
our back yard days before the event.

Then when I was comfortable and then scared,
they used an opportunity to rape me.
They would call it something else.

12.23.2018

What do you do when you are ignored?

Scoffed at?
You walk around vulnerable,
and yet no one responds with love.

Do you write them off?
Do you feel the shame that's not yours?
Do you respond with the pain inside?

They really don't know what they are doing
by responding with the wind.
They too have their own enemies.

Your vulnerability and honesty
is not what they are comfortable with.
They would rather talk to anyone else.

Just pray that their hearts will be softened,
that they too will understand that
compassion is the key to success.

12.20.2018

No Remorse

I feel compelled to dispel any myths that I don't love my twisted mother. She may have inflicted a lot of harm on me, but she did show me a lot of love. Hard to believe, right? But this was why she had a way to cast her spell on me. She could be so incredibly charming and yet manipulative.

One of the first things I ever wrote that received any applause was in high school. I wrote a short story based on my mother. Let me see if I can do it some justice again.

My mother was in high school as well. She was climbing a big tree and fell down onto her back. She was alone and woke up to find her back hurt so badly she could not walk. So she crawled for quite a while to where she could find help at home. Her parents brought her to the hospital where the staff had to conduct a test to see if she had meningitis.

This test involved a very large needle to pull out some spinal fluid. Could you imagine? It was intensely painful for my mother. Then when she was diagnosed, the hospital staff quarantined her in order to get better. But there was no guarantee.

So my grandmother, an alcoholic and an absent parent, signed a form to allow her into the room to be with her own daughter. My grandmother massaged my mother's back for days and never gave up hope. She saved her life.

In this season of disappointments, let's remember what's really important; the family and love we do have.

Obedient Daughter

Remember how you whipped me so hard?
I had welts for weeks.
Remember how you gave me my first joint?
Good riddance to your down trodden ways.

12.19.2018

Honour

I am disqualified for what You have in store for me.

12.15.2018

Aghast

Wounded by your choices.
Never looking to the good but always evil.
I can no longer tolerate your insolence.

12.11.2018

Afraid of the Worst

We live in a world with so many things seemingly bad.
But who has decided they are bad?

We judge each other without knowing any details.
We believe that everyone has something wrong with them.

But I have decided to fight against this current.
I will make a choice every time I speak to someone to seek the good in them.

I am making a choice to see the good in our humanity,
our willingness to help those that are helpless,
and our willingness to come together for the better good.

It only starts with one person, you.

12.06.2018

Mission

The corruption is intertwined with Your glory.


12.03.2018

Pleading

Please take this away from me -
far, far, far away.
I am done being used by the enemy
to further his purpose.
May your will be done, Lord.