I am now. But let me explain to make things clear.
I did and will probably drink and smoke again. But for this season I cannot. I'm not entirely sure I will either. But this does not mean that I will ever judge anyone who does. Believe me, I needed to when I did as well.
So that is off my chest.
I woke up crying today. Yes, Christmas morning. I was so scared to confront one of biggest fears. Some family members who I really do love were triggering me so badly this past year, I actually avoided them for about three months. They happen to be my in-laws.
But God let me know that I needed to be brave. I stepped out in faith. Within five minutes of being there with our kids, I had to excuse myself. I went for a short walk outside and took about twenty deep breathes. I really couldn't believe I was there.
But, it all was gone by the time we left. That is my fear. It is gone now.