This demon will not let me go, I wrestle with it night and day. You have reminded me when it started.
I was about ten years old at a new school. I wanted so badly to have a friend that I was willing to with the girl who was mean to me. She was nice to me when it was just the two of us, but bullied me when around her other friends. I continued to stay her "friend" for the remainder of that school year.
I can look back and see that I was some kind of project for her. She taught me things like manners and how to make an omelet.
I'm not sure why it hurts still, but this is not the kind of friendship that is acceptable now. No one is allowed to make us feel little. No one is allowed to diminish our value. No one is allowed to be a so called friend and take opportunities to make us feel smaller than them.